Dear America: A Letter to Hillary

Dear America —

Can you believe how unpopular Hillary Clinton is?! I don’t like her! Have you seen her ankles? I mean, really? And her hair? Like, hello!! Pick a style. Pick a color. Pick a position. Just like a politician. *rolling eyes*

And don’t get me started on the pantsuits. Lady, you’re not hiding your ankles. And you call yourself “poor”?? Nobody who has that many colors and shades of pantsuits is poor. Your pantsuits ensemble puts my whole wardrobe to shame. You have a new piece of jewelry for every one of these outfits, too. God, it’s like you actually went out and worked for your money. Some “American Dream” broohaahaa.

I’m not really into her voice. She comes off very, um, cold. Do you see that, too? She’s not warm enough? People say she comes off much warmer in person but they’re all . . . what’s that word .  .  . PUMA’s!!! Ick. Back to the voice: like fingers running down a chalkboard and while she’s, like, the most respectable woman in the world, who the fuck wants Grandma in the White House?!? Feel me?

Most qualified? For what? May she forever be damned for that Iraq vote!! It’s not like she was given faulty intelligence or anything. The woman is going to get us in WWIII. Now Bernie is a socialist. Could we ALL be Great Britain? I don’t know why we liberated (thank you, France) ourselves from them in the first place. Only to become the greatest military and economic superpower the world has ever seen, eclipsing even the ancient Greeks and Romans. As if.

I don’t like Hillary Clinton. I don’t like the way she looks. I don’t like the way she sounds. And I don’t like that she’s the most accomplished, admired woman in the world.

Love —

Bernie Bots and the GOP

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